HOW TO: Make National News as a College Women's Soccer Player (Do Not Try At Home)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UvEobeNfGcc&feature=player_embedded

Happy Liberoween!

USA's History of Violence

My brother is a nerdy History teacher. This one's for him!

Jesus Said Love Everyone

Even Raptors.

Great Fablehaven Quotes

From "Secrets of the Dragon Sanctuary" (which is interesting enough that Lauren put down a Stephanie Meyer book to start reading it):

"Get a clue, Russ!" ~pg. 80

"I... had to settle for a less than adequate specimen [Russ]." ~Vampiress, pg. 83

"Less talk, more Yahtzee." ~Troll, pg. 400

Things I Learned on Monday

If you live on the ground floor and you sleep with the window open, make sure that you have a screen.

Don't attack wild cats, you'll lose the fight.

If you call 911, make sure your front door isn't locked.

Crazy people can still have a good sense of humor.

My wife can make cool things. Secret things.

Two unreturned RedBox movies from last Monday are expensive.

The word "flag" and a Where's Waldo-esque hunt for them is very exciting for a near-two year old.

Carly doesn't like to share corn-on-the-cobb.

My brother and his fiancee make a mean strawberry shortcake.

No dead tree can defend itself from twins.

Lauren can't throw a frisbee.

Star remains the RockBand Maps drum master.

Carly calls Balloons "moons".

Unless you teach her that they're called "moon pies". Then she calls them that instead.

Lauren doesn't like me teaching Carly fake words.

Tie a balloon loosely to a toddler's wrist, and pretty soon it ends up floating away.

There's a new Fablehaven book out now, Karen (Book 4).

I miss Percy Jackson.

Political Cartoons are Crazy

The recent cover of Newsweek (surprisingly, NOT a photo-shop):


And today, from the New York Post:

Yes, Obama is the monkey.

Commercials Think We're Stupid

I'm at home watching TV, and a Wendy's commercial comes on. At the end, they throw out the marketing slogan, "It's way better than fast food, it's Wendy's!" I laugh. Wendy's IS fast food! Duh.

I get in my car and turn on the radio, and a Weight Watchers commercial comes on. "Stop Dieting, Start Living!" it croons. Okay, good, no Weight Watchers then- That's a diet system. I'm not stupid.



Then I got to thinking... they must really think that I AM stupid. Why else would they spend money on these? I was offended. For a second. Then I started thinking of other great ad campaigns these geniuses could come up with. Here's a short list of my ideas (feel free to add your own!):

American Idol Season 8 -- "Like nothing you've seen before!"
Trix -- "Buy your kids a healthy cereal. Buy Trix!"
Blockbuster -- "If you hate renting movies, you'll love us!"
Pizza Hut -- "We're not just a pizza place!"
Transformers 2 -- "Tired of special effects based movies? Want to see a film with a great plot and talented acting instead? Transformers 2, coming June 26!"
Mountain Dew -- "Don't do soda, do the Dew!"
Las Vegas -- "Good clean family fun!"
XBOX -- "Are you sick of playing video games? Play XBOX!"
Wal-Mart -- "Support the little guy!"
Target -- "Go Quality!"
Starbucks -- "Be unique- Work at Starbucks!"
Barack Obama -- "MORE than a politician!"
Major League Baseball -- "America Loves a Hero!"
FORD -- "Get Out And Walk!"